Days when light triumphs
over the darkness in me:
Personal Solstice

~ Chubby, capable ~
~ Artistic, sure, expressive ~
~ My hands are blessings ~

I Ate the World

I ate the World today.
Not really a binge - I justify -
because I didn’t eat a lot of any one continent.
But I surrendered to an anonymous fickle hunger;
blind-folded and willing taste-tester of planets.

I ate like an empty person
trying to fill up
not sure exactly where the leak was
but certain I could stuff it up with pistachios
if I ate them quickly enough to bind.

I ate like a person trying to cover up a tattoo
smearing on denial like makeup
pretending no one could see how deeply my skin is scored
by years of shell-building
and other ill-considered cheese grater decisions.

I ate like the act could change reality -
like each bite could be basted into my cloak of invisibility
over the atrophied limbs of my creativity
wasted from spending too many years strapped in a chair
where the main challenge given me
is juggling seventy-two-thousand dusty details
without letting anyone see my arms move.

I ate the Whole World today
(and drank some of it too.)
I didn’t do it in a cloud of self-doubt and reproach,
but in a probing, searching, grasping way.
In a hungry-for-something-if-only-I-could-identify-it way.
In a way I thought was behind me and evidently isn't.
I still can’t regret, it even so.

Yes, I ate it all.
But as I recall each vacant crunchy sweet salty mouthful,
I see how far I’ve come from the unexamined appetites of my past
that blindly accepted calories over real nourishment
and concealment over bravery
and I find I’m a step further than I was yesterday
from the World eating Me.

Coming Out of the Compliance Closet

Oh, people pleaser,

steeped in false humility

gagged, obstructed, stifled, dammed

choked silent by overlings

who want you only so good

but never better

than their apparent

superior strain.

How can you lay there

whored to mediocrity

wasting your luster

patina peeling, rusting

hiding your glimmer.

The time will come when you’re forced

to throw off the yoke

seize reality

declare your godhood

at last, to shine true.

None of your excuses then

-your child self wasn’t nurtured-

-they won’t love you authentic-

-you do what you have to do-

None of that holds sway

when framed in the light

of your last sunset,

you find that being YOURSELF

was the real purpose

and you sold out to avoid

making any waves.

Adopt Haiku

Lonely? Need a friend?
Companion ~ soulmate ~ true love?
Shelter dog awaits...

Blessings Haiku

Thankful for small things
Sweet song on car radio
Sunshiney March drive

Eternity Haiku

Eternity mark:
Haiku syllables add up
to the number eight!

Growth

I finally prevented every frantic thought from bursting from my lips
I finally resisted building borders for her based on my own neuroses
I finally stopped myself from spooling out what-if stories
that ramp up my negativity and swell the flood of my panic
wherein if I don't direct its every tide, the entire universe will breach its walls
and I might be forced to confront the tsunami of my own issues
of distrust
of abandonment
of un-worth
It only took me a thousand years
to gain a degree control over my jealousy
to harness my fretful insecurity
to ratchet down my fear to a tolerable level
To what extent I can maintain
restrain
contain
is a long uneven platform.
It took me this long to take one shuddering step.
The route ahead is uncertain.
But I can be grateful for every opportunity to grow
I can be brave and trust my love to keep me safe
I can rest in the unknown that surrounds even the most convinced
without lining out my ultimatums against the day
that all my darkly spun predictions materialize.
I can take the next step on faith.

Creativity

I did some research for my blogging group on good sites to raise your creativity quotient. For myself, a writing assignment usually does it, but some of these great sites can help as well.

Writing Prompts

http://pymprompts.blogspot.com/

http://weeklywritingassignment.com/

http://oneminutewriter.blogspot.com/

http://www.creativity-portal.com/howto/writing/writing.prompts.html

http://danielnester.com/2010/02/09/78-blog-writing-prompts-from-my-blogging-students-2/ (just for fun)

http://www.dailyblogtips.com/

http://www.timetowrite.blogs.com/

http://mindbump.com/

http://thedailymeme.com/ (If you’re not familiar with memes, read http://www.chrisg.com/what-is-a-blog-meme/ )


Good Creativity Blog Lists

http://www.blogs.com/topten/10-blogs-to-stimulate-your-creativity/

http://abundance-blog.marelisa-online.com/2009/01/29/awesome-creativity-blogs/


Limited Disclaimer: I don’t believe any of these sites have adult content – at least last time I visited.