Growth

I finally prevented every frantic thought from bursting from my lips
I finally resisted building borders for her based on my own neuroses
I finally stopped myself from spooling out what-if stories
that ramp up my negativity and swell the flood of my panic
wherein if I don't direct its every tide, the entire universe will breach its walls
and I might be forced to confront the tsunami of my own issues
of distrust
of abandonment
of un-worth
It only took me a thousand years
to gain a degree control over my jealousy
to harness my fretful insecurity
to ratchet down my fear to a tolerable level
To what extent I can maintain
restrain
contain
is a long uneven platform.
It took me this long to take one shuddering step.
The route ahead is uncertain.
But I can be grateful for every opportunity to grow
I can be brave and trust my love to keep me safe
I can rest in the unknown that surrounds even the most convinced
without lining out my ultimatums against the day
that all my darkly spun predictions materialize.
I can take the next step on faith.